The Scenario
A group of 10 emo kids are fed up with life (big surprise). Normally they would take their frustrations out on themselves with self-inflicted wounds, but not this time. They want to pound something, and sure enough, the first thing they see is a mysterious woodsman made of Tin. Wearing a pair of their little sister's designer jeans, and armed with their older ("he's such a stupid jock, gawwwd!!!!") brother's wooden baseball bat, they're ready to give the Tin Man a beatdown!
Enter, The Tin Man. The Tin Man man has no heart at the moment. He's got nothing to lose and he's a little frustrated with as well. He often wonders why he's made of Tin? Tin metal dents like a mother and rusts like no other. On top of that, his maker gave him this ridiculous funnel hat that blows steam for no good reason, and metal bow tie that makes him look like a tool. The Tin Man takes out his Oil Can, lubes up his joints, grabs his axe and is ready to break something fragile and weak. Look what we have here! A group of emo boys with wooden bats. PERFECT!
The Epic Showdown has begun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Showdown Facts:
- Emo Kids are fragile both physically and emotionally.
- Their I.D. says 16 yr. old Male but their weak arms say 10 year old girl.
- Emo Kids outnumber the Tin Man, 10 to 1, but the 10 man has the strength of 10 Emo kids combined
- The Tin Man has a powerful swing and a brutal axe, but he's a bit slow and clunky
- The Tin Man dents easily
UPDATE: WINNER - TIN MAN!!!
Your voices have been heard and the results are in.
A couple of interesting arguments were made for both sides. The first point: The Emo Kids getting emotional and crying tears which will rust the tin man. Assuming they cry enough and the tears dry fast enough, this could have been devastating to the Tin Man. However, Rhiannon's rebuttal to this argument was enough to make the Tin Man the winner. The amount of hair product used by Emo Kids, mixed with the moisture of their tears, would have provided more than enough lubrication for the Tin Man to keep him hacking and slashing through these frail little things.
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I have to go with the emo kids on this one. Don't get me wrong, the tin man would take a few of these ladies out, but the numbers are against him. Imagine for a moment these kids watching a few of their own get hacked to pieces. The sight of this, and their fragile state of mind, would unleash the fury within. The floodgates of tears would open and the bats would swing to the heavens. A weakness has been exposed. The tears flowing forth from the emo kids has rusted the tin man rendering him helpless. The sadness, confusion, and rage from the emo kids doesn't stop until this tin man is pounded to oblivion. Winner...emo kids.
That is a pretty compelling argument for the Emo Kids. Assuming that the emo kids don't tire themselves out after a couple of swings, an emotional breakdown could result in enough tears to rust the Tin Man.
So, anyone out there think the Tin Man comes out on top? If so, let us know why? We can't let the Emo kids take it that easily.
I will.
It really depends on how quickly the Tin Man gets into action.
Knowing full well that the salty tears of emo kids will rust him and leave him helpless, he would immediately begin to grab large chunks of the emo kids hair and rub it on his "easy to rust appendages".
There is enough product and oil (b/c we all know emo kids are too sad to bathe) in any one of their "do's" to keep the Tin Man well lubricated against the rust of said tears.
This alone cancels out emo tears, since the more emo tears that threaten the tin man, the more emo oily hair becomes available.
I think the Tin Man stands a better chance at winning this battle.
Yes the emo kids out number him, but they are weak minded and self loathing.
All the Tin Man would have to do is call them the names and insults that trigger the self-deprecating emotional scars that "haunt their souls" and voila!
Those whiny bitches will take care of themselves.
("Down the river, not across the street!")
The Tin Man wouldn't even have to break a sweat.
Winner....TIN MAN!
Technically... the tin-man has the endurance to out last the whiney little junior emo kids, edge tin-man... but the speed and swiftness of days, no months, no years of slicing practice of the emos wrist slicing could cut out the tin-man before he could get going, edge emo kids... but tin-man's axe is far more deadly than the little wooden bats of the emos, edge tin-man... but strength doesn't matter when it comes to size in most cases, edge emo kids...
WINNER:EMO KIDS
cheer up emo kids you won >:P
I say the tin man has the edge. Those little whiney girls stand no chance. Yes they have the numbers but the tin man has the wisdom and remember he doesn't have a heart. Seeing the kids crumpled, bloody and at his feet has no effect on him. I say the emo kids will wilt and crumble like the delicate flowers they are. They stand no chance. If fact they would be such emotional wrecks after the first one is done and on the ground, they will join "him" but they will be sobbing heaps. Winner TIN MAN - all the way.
So who won??
True, legions of whiny little emo bitches would fall before the Tin Man's ax of death. But listen and listen well: Another legendary ax-man going by the name of Pete Wentz would realize his destiny -- like Keanu Reeves near the end of The Matrix
-- to rally his pathetic but well-coiffed minions.
Jumping atop the nearest speaker riser (with Ashley Simpson-Wentz and little Brooklyn or Queens or Staten Island or Bronx clutching at her silicone 'zooms), and plucking a few commanding bass notes, The Wentzenator would embolden his followers. The Man of Tin would continue hacking, maiming and slicing for as long as he could, of course, but even a few bars from any crappy Fall Out Boy Song would drive any non-Emo to crippling insanity. "Music. Must. Stop. Tin. Man. Can't. Dance. To...It."
Those, I'm afraid, would be the last words we'd hear from Dorothy's third best friend. Wentz would cry (of course) upon the sight of his vanquished enemy, but he and the Emos would live to slap-fight and write love songs another day. Game over.